if you like me you must not know who I am
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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