GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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