I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
