I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
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Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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