My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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