with your own penis?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
