Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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