My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
