Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
