We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
