Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
