Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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