Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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