My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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