I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
