I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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