UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
