Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
