My sheets look like a crime scene.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
