shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
