True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
