I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
soo... how was my night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
