He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
