uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
