Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
