just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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