got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
