Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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