ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
