I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
