i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
