He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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