why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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