im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
