lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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