you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
