If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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