no. you can't hotbox the world.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
