HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
