So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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