i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I smell like Dick and happiness
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
