I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
