he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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