I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
