a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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