he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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