Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
then he tried to convert me to islam
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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