They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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