Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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