we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
