1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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