I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have post one night stand depression
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