thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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