ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
