Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
