you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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