How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
