after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
