He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
soo... how was my night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
