upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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