she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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