eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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