Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
