Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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