His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
