If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
