I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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