wrigley field is MILF paradise
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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