shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
