why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
